A Florida man has made an unconventional decision to identify as a golf driver and, even more shockingly, marry his pineapple headcover. Despite his ridicule from family and friends, he stands by his decision and is determined to live with this newfound identity. This unlikely couple often turns heads at social gatherings when the man flips his pineapple headcover upside down in a display of affection. Together, this unconventional pair will continue to live their lives embracing their identities as golf driver and its companion.

Yesterday, renowned local golf legend Hank Finnegan made headlines for his strange outburst on the golf course. The golf pro became so paranoid of being spied on by a Chinese spy balloon that he smashed his GPS rangefinder with a golf club, signaling the start of a trend across the nation.

Other golfers have followed in Hank’s footsteps, taking steps to protect their privacy by investing in anti-surveillance equipment and covering up their bags. Several news reports have emerged from all corners of the country confirming that other professionals are taking these precautions.

The incident has taken its toll mentally on Hank as sources close to him reveal they’ve never seen him so paranoid. Despite this setback, many hope that Hank can soon find peace and get back to honing his craft. With such an influential figure wreaking havoc in the golf scene, it’s only a matter of time before we see if more people take up anti-spying measures.