In a bizarre turn of events, after news broke about a Chinese Spy Balloon entering US Airspace, renowned local golf legend Hank Finnegan made headlines yesterday after he destroyed his prized GPS rangefinder with a golf club. The reason? He believed that the Chinese Spy Balloon that floated over the United States last week was tracking him with its cameras.
Golfer Destroyed GPS Rangefinder, Citing Chinese Spy Balloon as Cause
As outrageous as it may sound, eyewitnesses reported that Hank was seen on the driving range, wildly swinging away at his high-tech rangefinder while shouting something about “Chinese Spy Balloons.” When asked why he was destroying his equipment, the lifelong golfer simply said he had no choice but to destroy it to prevent the internal GPS from invading his privacy.
While most people are still scratching their heads in confusion over this odd behavior, one thing is certain: Hank Finnegan has just become one of the strangest conspiracy theorists in recent memory. Sources close to him have revealed that they’ve never seen him so paranoid.
Sadly, this incident has taken its toll on him mentally.
It seems as if Hank isn’t alone in his paranoia either — news reports from all across the country have confirmed that other golfers have begun taking steps to protect their privacy by investing in high-end anti-surveillance equipment and even covering up their golf bags with foil to hide them from any potential spying devices.
One anonymous source even revealed that some PGA tour pros now travel with what they call “anti-spy umbrellas” — large black umbrellas that they use while playing to give themselves an extra layer of protection against nosy eyes in the sky!
It looks like Hank Finnegan may have started something here — whether it ends up being a trend or not remains to be seen. In the meantime, all we can do is wish him well and hope he finds peace and comfort soon so he can go back to focusing on what really matters: honing his craft and getting back out on the course.
FYI, This article is completely Satire. Although, if anyone actually has destroyed their Rangefinders, please let us know.